Hahaha! "I guess". That's clever. Life's killing me. "I guess" that's the intrinsic beauty of living - the longer you live, the longer you're dying. So then that makes immortality non-existence? It's really quite clever when you think about it, puts a whole new spin on morbidity - I'm officially an optimist now!
It's really been a while since the last post. I guess. Been super busy. Three 6-hour-a-week studio classes in a row is death incarnate. But fun. Naturally all the projects are due in the same three day periods so I have to end up cramming them in and pick and choose the occasional little assignments to not do. In the end, I do them, but they get pushed aside for projects worth more points. In the end it works out as it should, right now I can't kill myself more to get everything done at the same time. Time. That's the other thing - you'd think I'd have a lot even though I never sleep (ish - 10-15hrs a week doesn't really qualify), but I don't, I have some time to myself and I use that to maintain a small social life. Have to do something to keep my sanity. We all need something to live for, something to keep us grounded and here, to bring us back when we're breaking away. It could be that band you started practicing on Fridays, those friends you see after work, going home to feed your dog and watch some tv, calling that special someone when you have break to let them know they matter - whatever it may be, it's what keeps you going, it's the thing that feels like it will last, gives you something to look forward to, gives you something to work towards, something bright to hold onto.
Or maybe you're like me. Maybe you're still without. You run yourself dry without anything to give you another boost and when you get down to the dregs you lose yourself is something until you get a good shock to the heart to bring you back only to have to go through it all again. Turns out those little things can be pretty invaluable - they keep us grounded, keep us sane. They keep us tied to our environment, keep us stable when we're ready to collapse, "it surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together". I guess.
Speaking of environment, we've finally gotten some rain here in Hell. That's right, rain. In Azusa! It happens occasionally, and it makes the place so much better. Still doesn't make it good, but it makes it tolerable. Really want to be in SF right now though.
Trying to still find time to talk to people from home. Really want to skype with Rosales, but time really sucks, and I'm not using my free time too well - mostly for work and frivolous activities. Although, ripping people apart with brutal honesty when they ask for it doesn't really feel frivolous. Worst words spoken this week (and the ones that totally made my day) - "if you have something to say, just say it". Oh, ^_^ foolish man. "It's only when you've lost everything that you are free to do anything".
And while Fight Club has some really good philosophies on letting go and not being bound down, there comes a point where you need to take control and have something to lose. Only the dead have nothing to lose, and last I checked, I still had a pulse - granted that in however many years I won't have that anymore, until then I should still have something that matters.
So that's pretty much everything since the last post. Lots of work, not a lot of time, not a lot of sleep, and some time spent with friends but more time missing other friends.
Current Events: Spent a few days with Teenie and John and had fun. Accidentally forgot to give John his belt back, so I guess I'm holding onto that for a while. Great to see Teenie, can't wait until next time.
Bought a black light - working on setting up a black light cave in my bed should be really cool when it's done.
Clavicle is still jacked, haven't been wearing the sling for the last few days and got scolded by the dr. for that. It's uncomfortable and it inhibits my art projects. Many an hour snarling at it. That goes really well, slings really react when you snarl at them. right.
And that is all. Really. Or at least all I can remember. Tonight's title is from the song "The Siren" by Aesthetic Perfection. I'm really enjoying them, started with one song and now they're one of my favourites (will never top VNV of course, just so you know). The songs are typical aggrotech in terms of lyrics, and very close on the beats, but there's a certain 'happy' beat to them, the type of thing you might hear in a Darude song. Actually it's a bit closer to She Wants Revenge - but more electronic. Ish.
Here's a link to The Siren - http://twiturm.com/ahy69
And if you like that, then maybe check out Unterart's "Now or Never" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJXP4fX3jws
THAT...is all. Until the next time you can look forward to whatever you need to do, and I can look forward to lots of work and not as much time, and for something to keep me grounded. I'm getting to the point where I really need something to live for again. Music is great for resuscitation, but it's life support - I need a cure. Maybe I should give in to M's opinion and give love a chance again. We'll see. Until then...
Cheers,
Shadow of Light
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