Fini

So it's the end of January, and I'm keeping with what I said about ending the blog. I'm tired of it. Tired of trying to come up with stuff to talk about, tired of ranting, and tired of voicing hatred over whatever gets my fancy for an evening. But this is still the last post, so there should really be something on here to echo those themes. Don't have to like it, just have to come up with it.

I do feel like I should let it return to the ashes though. The first original posts that I wrote ended with a question to which readers could respond, and usually they were just B.S. jokes or opinions that I could live without but didn't mind reading. To be honest I only remember one question/response series in detail and it wasn't very serious at all. There were a few responses that were serious, good comment conversations, but my memory isn't what it once was. Four years ago I could hear a conversation across a room and recite it the next week. Now I can barely remember what topic I'm on if I get distracted.

There is something I would like to end this with though. Rather than a final question on the post that you're free to respond to, I'd like to end this with a dialogue that you can still comment on, but also just think about. Or ignore, to be honest, I didn't care about getting responses up until now, I'm not going to start.

Where I'm going in life from here, I want to ask myself, "If I don't wake up tomorrow, am I happy with the person I am? And if not, I better start getting it together." So from here on out, I'm doing what I haven't done ever, and I'm breaking all my promises. Every single one. Some I will remake, but some I look back on and I honestly don't know what I was thinking. I've made promises that if I don't break will never let me be a different person, and all that really matters to me right now is trying to do better. I don't think I can just cold-turkey wipe hate from my heart, but I can show it less, act it less. I can walk away from people who have walked away from me. I promised to look out for some people, but right now I watch them throw all they have away, and while I would like to help them, there's nothing I can do but hope that someday they turn around and dig themselves out of their hole. I can be there then, no promises, but I'm not going to dive into Hell with them.

So I'm trying to do better. You can take that as you like, but I believe there are right and wrong choices, and I've intentionally been making the wrong ones recently. I'd like to change that. So I've got a new look, a new goal, and new promises to make and keep.

If any of this doesn't sit well with you, if you don't like what I have to say...I'm sorry. But not as sorry as you.

Cheers,

-Shadow of Light